The Fishbowl Life

If you follow my Instagram page, you know that I just took a month sabbatical from all social media. If you’d like to know the truth behind why I did that, here it is; I literally was laying in bed sick one day praying and kept telling God, “hang on a sec” so I could scroll through my Instagram feed. Obviously, I needed to take a break. In that moment, I created my little picture will the four social media apps on it, posted my “I’m taking a month off” post, and deleted all four apps from my phone. I then realized how bored I was. I got out of bed and organized all six of my dresser drawers, redecorated a section of my kitchen, cleaned out my refrigerator, and completed some other various tasks that I have been meaning to complete since we moved into this little duplex...three months ago. Embarrassing, I know. I now see how many productive tasks I can do in the short amount of time I used getting sucked into the black hole of politics and cat videos that is social media.

My first curiosity about this decision was, what are my church peeps going to think of this? Let me explain something. Our church members are OBSESSED with Facebook. Ob-sessed. Like, as in, “I sent you a message an hour ago. You didn’t respond. WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!!” Okay. Maybe I’m being SLIGHTLY over-dramatic. But that is exactly how it feels. If I post something, it is brought to my attention at our next service. It can definitely be overwhelming and feel very invasive.

Sure enough, the first lady I saw the following Sunday greeted me with, “Why are you leaving us for a whole month??” I. Kid. You. Not. At that moment, it took every ounce of strength I had from my head to my toes to keep my eyeballs from moving in a circular motion up toward my eyelids and back around to looking her in the eye. I wanted to say, “because of ridiculous remarks like that.” But I didn’t. Because first, that would be a lie. Second, she’s actually a super nice lady and I kind of want to continue to get along with her. Multiple other remarks were made such as, “Yeah I should probably do that too. It takes up a lot of my time.” *duh*. And “I mean, I only spend a couple hours a day on it. So I don’t think it’s a big deal.” Or, “How are we going to be updated about your adoption?” Which I respond by staring at them blankly because, well, my husband runs our adoption Facebook page and I SEE YOU THREE TIMES A WEEK.

I know for a fact that what I’m about to say is not entirely true. I feel like I need to point that out before I say it. However, I feel as if I live in a fishbowl and people know every time I do anything from leaving work early because I am sick to wiping my behind in my own bathroom. Yes. Again, I know I’m being over-dramatic. But I know some of you understand the feeling! Privacy is so hard to find. We do not have children yet, but I can only imagine (excuse me while I break out in song for a second...Okay. That’s out of my system), how much more this is magnified with children. Especially since they have no filter and will go tell Miss Hazel how annoyed you were that she told your husband his sermon was five minutes too long last Sunday and caused her to miss out on the good desserts at the local buffet. It feels like we are living in “The Truman Show” where the entire church knows what is going on in our lives at all times. This is something I have come to terms with. I have also figured out ways to keep parts of my life private. Some of these things include having friends who do not go to my church (some of you reading this are those gals ;) ), vaguely answering personal questions with certain people to avoid gossip and chatter, and then the most difficult part; not posting every time I open a Pepsi on Facebook.

Two of my absolute best friends do not attend my church. As a matter of fact, one of them lives on the other side of the country, and the other lives about an hour south of me. The gal who lives on the other side of the country and I are not able to talk often. When we do, she gets me. Like, she just gets everything about me. My bestie down south from here I see much more often. Our husbands get along and she is one of my oldest friends. We have been friends since fifth grade and we talk on a weekly basis. I do not have to have a filter with these two ladies. I can be completely myself and know that whatever I say or however I act, it will stay between us (and our husbands, of course).

As for vaguely answering questions, this is a new thing for me, and not exactly easy. I am an open book. I love to talk, especially about myself. (Obviously. I have a whole blog about the nonsense that comes along with being a pastor's wife). So when people ask me a question about myself, it’s like a drug to me! I want to tell them EVERYTHING. At our last church, I did tell our church members a lot more. Then I realized how dangerous that can be. First, everyone thinks they are helping me out by giving their opinions about life because they see me as young and inexperienced. “No, Bertha-Sue. I will NOT be trying to have children physically for the millionth time because I DON’T HAVE FALLOPIAN TUBES. As in, THEY ARE NO LONGER IN MY BODY!! THANK YOU for that reminder!” (Please don’t read this and think, “Oh no! How sad!” Because we are VERY content with adopting one single, beautiful little girl from Bulgaria...if the government will ever actually let us have her. *rolls eyes*) Second, you accidentally open the door for some super awkward conversations. I once had a student in our youth group ask if the pastor is a virgin. Him feeling like it was okay to ask a personal question like that was partially my fault. It was also just the product of a 15-year-old boy who mostly thinks about sex. My obvious response was a blank stare and a loud and awkward, “Next question!” during our Q&A in youth group. Third, this “open book” mentality causes a lot more meshing of home and church for my husband and I. My preference is to come home from church and be home. Yes. We ABSOLUTELY discuss church stuff at home, but we also discuss things like our favorite Bible verses, our celebrity crushes, and other normal twenty-something-year-old discussions.

Not only do I not post things such as the meals I am eating on social media (unless it’s something that is just beautiful and delicious and I need to brag on my cooking skills for a split second), I also do not post many large life events for them to see. When I was offered my most recent job, I did not post about it on social media at all. We talked about it with our church members in person and they celebrated with us. This allowed for nice bonding time and good conversation in person instead of a quick conversation in passing because they had already wished me good luck and congrats on social media. When we receive news that we have been placed with a child to adopt in Bulgaria, I’m not going to write on my mom’s Facebook wall, “Hey, we found your grandkid.” I’m going to either call her or drive down to her house and tell her in person. Social media is such an impersonal way to share your life. There are certain things our church people should be told so we can celebrate Christ’s work in our lives, but let’s actually do that. Not just click little hearts on each other’s pictures and statuses that have no real sentimental value.

In conclusion, I want to point out that I fully recognize the irony of this blog discussing communication through social media as I discuss through social media...You get my point. I hope if any of you are struggling with feeling as if you live in a fishbowl you first know, as always, you are not alone. So many of us feel this way! Second, I hope maybe this gives some insight on ways to help keep your life just that...YOUR life. Please leave your comments below of your own experiences and ideas on this! I would love to read some funny stories or mistakes we’ve all made in the past about sharing too much or too little with our churches. Or if you need to share something on a serious note and need some encouragement, ALWAYS feel free to reach out here. This is a safe place. :) Love you all.