We're DEFINITELY Not Perfect

I am currently at my in-laws for a late Christmas near Marion, Indiana. I drove to Meijer to pick up a couple things for our Christmas meal and on our way back made the realization that NO ONE HERE KNOWS I’M A PASTORS WIFE. Oh. My. Gosh. FREEDOM! “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” by Trace Adkins came on while I was driving, and even though it’s thirty degrees out, I rolled down my windows and turned it up as loud as I could, singing along and smiling like an idiot. If you do not know this song, well, let’s just say it’s not exactly a “Kingdom Building” song. Unless you’re talking about the kingdom of booze and booty’s. The first lyric is “Hustler shooting eight ball...”

Just like that, I was back in my college years, driving through my old college town, feeling like there were no cares in the world. Except passing microbiology and getting this really cute Philosophy major to think I wasn’t into him. (He figured it out and tricked me into becoming a pastors wife…*rolls eyes*). As I pulled up to a stop light, still singing and smiling like a psychotic nutcase, I look to my right and see a man looking into my open window with a look exactly like you would expect; “what the heck is this idiot smiling like a crazy person for??” I immediately imagined what it would be like if that person were a member of our church and almost puked. I mean, come on. All I was doing was listening to a non-K-Love-ish song, driving down the road. It’s not like I was up on a pole at the local strip club accepting dollar bills from our elders.

Our first elder’s wife told us the other day that her boss walked in on her vacuuming while dancing to Led Zeppelin. I wanted to shout as loud as I could “OH MY GOSH YOU ARE MY PEOPLE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!” The honest truth? The majority of our church members more than likely enjoy non-Christian songs. I’m sure that doesn’t include “Soldier” by Eminem or anything by Disturbed. I guess you never know. The majority of them would not judge me for listening to a non-Christian song. Some of the most insignificant things make me feel like I’m a horrible person and sinning. I think a lot of that comes from this expectation that we, as pastors wives, are not allowed to do anything that is not viewed as perfect or “in-line”. We know that the ones who expect that of us are the minority but they are so LOUD. I picture these people as the guy with the bullhorn telling everyone around them they’re going to hell while the majority are the dude standing next to him, beer in hand saying, “Yeah, this guy is nuts. If you really wanna know who Jesus is, we’ll be in that orange tent over there.” There is one couple who monopolizes my time so much at church that I have a couple people who know to rescue me when they see them spending more than 5-10 minutes talking to me. This couple holds these expectations over me. Because they spend so much time talking to me, I feel their expectations over those who do not have them at times.

If you know me well, you know I am the furthest thing from perfect. I sin. I make mistakes. I sometimes get really mad at my husband. I listen to non-Christian music. I wear leggings as pants on a regular basis and NOT under a dress or long top. I’ve cursed before. I really like “That’s what she said” jokes. I basically act like a human and not some strange creature of perfection that only exists in Utopia. I’ve always told people I’m not the typical pastor's wife. However, the more I get to know you ladies, the more I realize I am so stinking wrong! None of us are perfect and none of us live up to the expectation of never making a mistake. Sure. Many of us are not 70-year-old Beverly’s idea of the typical pastor's wife that existed when she was a child. But so many of us are so similar. Many of us have the same struggles, thoughts, and issues in our lives. I’m so blessed to know there is a whole community out there who feels what I feel and reminds me it’s okay! We do not have to be perfect!

None of us are alone in this and I hope this blog opens up a larger community for all of us to come together and support one another!